


Confession

by SPNfan4life



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SPNfan4life/pseuds/SPNfan4life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas admits his inner feelings for Dean. Just a story that has been stuck in my head. My first attempt at this. Notes welcome, suggestions, ect! Thanks for reading</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Destiel feels. What if Cas were not Cas?

Dean stood at a complete loss for words. This confession, from Cas, he did not even know where to begin. His mind heard the words, he was just struggling wrapping his mind around the words his angel spoke.

“Dean, did you hear me? I love you Dean, It has always been you.” Cas repeated

“Cas, Man look, I do not want to hurt you. I am not gay. Yes, I care about you, but I am straight.” His voice cracked as he replied hesitantly. 

Cas turned afraid to show his Hunter the tears in his eyes. Dean reached for the angel. Cas pulled forward unable to bear the grip of rejection.  
Cas studied the expression on his hunters face, realizing that he had crossed a line that he couldn’t uncross. He attempted to rationalize, he couldn’t believe that Dean felt nothing.

“Dean, I have never thought of you as Gay. Do you understand who I am really, inside. More than just this vessel. What if I had come to earth in a female vessel, would you not be returning my feelings now?”  
Cas watched Deans face, looking for any sign of hope. He knew dean loved him, why was he so hung up with the form he was in?

“You didn’t come here as a female, Cas. You are Cas, you are family.”

“Dean, I am not your kinsmen…I am… His voice trailed off before finding strength to say what his heart was speaking, knowing that dean would just get more flustered than he already was.

“I understand… I am sorry, Dean.” Cas said as bravely as he could. 

Just like that he was gone in the blink of an eye. Leaving dean standing there in awe of the revelation. Dean turned wiping his face seeing that Sam stood there, seemingly just as in awe as he.

“Sammy, what do I do? How do I even begin to deal with that?” He asked.

“Dean, what can you do? If you do not have feelings for Cas, it is better that he know than to hope.” Sam replied 

Dean spent the next several hours in a fog. He did care for Cas. He has even contemplated the intense feelings he held for his Angel. His Angel… His mind just couldn’t allow him to believe that any good could come from this. He had never held feelings for another man so intense. At times he questioned but he would have been damned before he would have spoken it. Dean hates this feeling. The distance between him and Cas now loomed. Dammit Cas! Why did you have to mess this up!

Cas stood atop of the Chrysler building. He watched over the night sky, his heart breaking. He didn’t understand how dean, could not feel the same. He had done everything for Dean. Crowley now at his side, Cas wiped the tear from his cheek.

“What do you want, Crowley?” 

“Trouble in paradise? What, has someone went and spilled the beans?” Crowley mocked at him.

Cas felt rage instantly pulling his blade. “Crowley, be gone from my sight. This is none of your business.” He demanded.

“Whoa, really, a bit of an overreaction, wouldn’t you say, mate? I just thought I might be able to help.” He smirked

“I won’t tell you again, king of perdition- Be gone from this place.” 

Case feel to his knees. Crowley was just the icing on the cake. He must be back to spying. He would have to tell the guys, when he was strong enough to face them again. He was sure that Dean would share this with his brother. He feared the worst that he would no longer be counted among Team free Will.

That night, dean tossed and turned. He was unable to shut it all off in his head. He wanted to call out for Cas, to fix this. But how? How can he fix anything when everything he has ever touched has gone to crap? Sammy, even contemplating it as a possibility, made him question what his brother really thought of him. He suddenly found his mind seeing Cas, his smile, his laugh, his confused and constantly attempting to understand the world. He started wondering about what would have happened, had Cas come down as a female. Son-of-a-bitch!


	2. Chapter 2- Coming to terms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean struggles while looking for a way out.

Dean had spent so many years building a rep. He was strong, stone, and untouchable. He was protector, a ladies man, many things. As a matter of fact, he had spent so many years putting up walls, he now found himself imprisoned by those same walls. It had been three days since Cas had dropped that bomb in his lap. Unable or unwilling to call Cas, he worked trying to push it all aside. It was something he was good at, burying it where it can’t be found. This time though, something would not allow him to ignore what Cas had said. He was haunted by that night. His mind toying with the idea that there was something there. Wondering; "What if Cas had been female? What is he? I mean angels are not even equipped, so what does that make them?" He slammed his tool into the box, and just starred at Baby, so frustrated he shook. He walked towards the bunker, exhausted and hoping Sammy had found a case. He needed the distraction.

“So, anything?” Dean asked.

Sammy sat in front of his laptop raising his eyes, seeing the urgency in his brother’s face. He hesitated. 

“Nothing as of this moment, Dean. I am looking. It is strangely quiet out there right now.” 

“Son-of-a-bitch! Really, why when I want to hit the road are we left with nada?”

Dean made his way to his room. He was going to shower and try to relieve some of the tension pulling his muscles apart. He stood under the water trying not to think. He wiped the water back from his hair, seeing Cas standing there looking at him. He froze before he realized it was nothing more than his mind playing tricks on him. Why, why could he not get past this? 

“I can’t lose you!” He spoke softly as a single tear ran down his cheek.

Meanwhile, Just when it looked as if he wouldn't find anything, Sammy was sent an anonymous message. He looked at it with a furrowed brow, wondering where it had came from. He investigated and saw that the IP address had been blocked. Realizing someone went through great lengths to cover their tracks, he went ahead reading the headline. Filing away that he would need to try to figure out where this lead had come from. He went into what Dean would call, “Geek mode,” seeing this lines before him. He knew without a doubt that this was their kind of case.

Girl found missing her heart… Joggers found body of missing teen. She had been found minus one heart.

Always the Joggers. Sammy thought.

“Dean, I think I got one.” He yelled down the hall.

Dean pulled on his jeans, and shirt over his head, grateful. He thought he shouldn't be this grateful something as wrong nonetheless, he was ready for some serious distraction. He tied his boots and pulled on his jacket ready to put some serious road behind him. No matter what he was doing on the outside, inside he was a wreck. Like all things in Dean’s life, he wouldn't admit his heartbreak at gunpoint. He didn't even gaze back, he had his game face on and was ready to hunt. Years of self-inflicted pressure to be the big brother, protector, and responsible for all that came his way had left him with an unmatched arsenal. It was what gave him the strength that would defeat so many big-bads. One almost felt sorry for the things that go bump in the night having to face the wrath of Dean Winchester…almost.

“Where we headed Sammy?” Dean said rolling up the sleeves on his shirt which he grabbed off the back of the chair. 

“Looks like Kent, Ohio. Missing teen found beside a park trail. She was missing her heart.” said Sammy. Looking for approval from his older brother. Somethings never change. 

“Skinwalker? Werewolf? Who cares, let's just go kill the son-a-bitch. Time to hit the road Sammy.” Dean said barely showing any kind of surprise or regret for the victim. 

As they burnt miles, Sam spaced looking out at the passing scenery. Everything inside him was screaming that Dean was not ok. He knew that his brother was going through a lot, but when wasn't he? It was the Winchester way. This though, this was different. There was something tumbling, he could feel it. Sam looked at his brother, eyes fixed on the road, void of any emotion. He wanted to yell at his brother, make him talk. It always scared Sam when Dean would shut down. He feared one day, he would shut down for good. He wanted nothing more than to see his brother happy. Just once, like when he was with Lisa. Though he was no longer aloud to bring up Lisa and Ben, he knew they made Dean happy. His brother would smile even. He smirked thinking about it. Dean turned up the radio when AC/DC came on, pulling Sam out of his internal monologue. He just looked at that facade unable to let it go. Even if Dean was at least now making an attempt to appear ok. His brother knew better. Dean sped up letting out a primal yell winking at Sammy as if to say, it’s the life Sammy boy!  
Unbeknownst to them, Cas, sat in the backseat of the Impala. Wishing his hunter would call. At this point if Dean so much as allowed his name to run through his mind, he would appear. He feared the worst, that he had crossed a line that would be their undoing. In truth, Dean was the reason behind everything. When Castiel was given his orders to raise Dean from the pit something happened. There was an instant connection between the two. Dean’s soul spoke to Cas in a way no other ever had. He had been around many souls, yet this was the first that spoke to him. He knew that day, there was something more out there. Cas held his hand over Dean's shoulder wishing.  
Dean looked at Sam, as if he felt something. He even looked in the mirror to the backseat. He chalked it up to his mind playing tricks on him. It was strange though as inside his mind a name started to come into it, yet something told Dean to block it with all he had, and he did just that. 

Sometimes we are both the warden and the prisoner.

“Sammy, you know what this means?” 

“What?” He replied

“College town. Beers and chicks!” He said giving Sammy a wink.

Even for Dean, this is cold. They had not even started the case, when Dean had already checked out. Though no words of it were spoken, Sam knew…Dean was running.


End file.
